


Like He Deserves

by fingerscrossed_tryingsomethingnew



Series: I'm Gonna Love You (Like I'm Gonna Lose You) [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avenger Reader (Marvel), F/M, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Reader-Insert, Steve Feels, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve x Peggy x Reader love triangle, Telepathic Wanda Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug, Wanda Maximoff is a Good Bro, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:33:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24275134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fingerscrossed_tryingsomethingnew/pseuds/fingerscrossed_tryingsomethingnew
Summary: Steve and the Reader have been in a relationship for a while, but the thought of Peggy has been haunting him; now, with the stones, he has a chance to get back to the life he always wanted.Wanda knows.Steve overhears a conversation between Wanda and the Reader about him.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Reader, wanda maximoff x reader
Series: I'm Gonna Love You (Like I'm Gonna Lose You) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1752376
Comments: 8
Kudos: 59





	Like He Deserves

**Author's Note:**

> Sort of AU angsty Steve Rogers x Reader fic. Reader can sense and influence the emotions of those around her. Nat was Blipped. Italicized portions are Steve’s thoughts and reactions.

Wanda slid the cup of coffee to Y/N over the kitchen counter. Y/N had taken to spending a lot of time on Wanda and Vision’s floor, even when Wanda was in her room and said she didn’t want to talk.

Truthfully, it did make Wanda feel better to feel that there was someone there, to not feel truly alone. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to feel better, to seek out comfort. She just didn’t know _how_ – how could she hear their grieving in their minds as they sat with her, how could she ask for help when they were just as hurt and lost, how could she reach out a hand for help just to realize that no one would grasp it, that the only one who really knew how to was gone.

Now, for the first time in a long time, there was hope. A beacon of light had appeared at the compound in the shape of Scott Lang. There were few people in the world who understood exactly how crushing the weight of hope could be as Wanda did– none of them more so than Y/N.

“You have become someone that I… cherish,” Wanda admitted, looking down at her coffee cup. She glances back up to meet Y/N’s eyes, seeing very little of the brightness that had been there a few years ago.

Y/N had taken over the mantle, holding the fort down with the world in tatters. Wanda had been surprised when she didn’t accept Tony’s offer to move to the cabin in the woods with him, Pepper, and little Morgan. As the years passed, she had never wavered in her decision, no matter how many times Tony reminded her that a room would always be waiting for her in the cabin. Her dimmed eyes were usually underlined by dark circles, and her cheeks had hollowed.

There had been a lot of heartbreak in the past few years. Through it all, Y/N had always been someone to lean on. There were many, many things Wanda would trade to get Vision back– her powers, the _happiest_ memories of her childhood, the luxuries she now had at her disposal, her life, even– but Y/N’s friendship wasn’t one of them.

Y/N smiled warmly at her, and Wanda was struck by how genuine it was. Y/N clasped the coffee cup in her hands, bringing it to her lips. “I love you, too.”

Wanda ducked her head again, her cheeks warming. She forgets sometimes that Y/N can feel what she feels, knew the depth of her care before Wanda admitted it. She cleared her throat, trying to clear away the lump of emotion that suddenly made it hard to speak. “Yes, well, it’s for that reason that I don’t think I can keep quiet any longer.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow at that. Other than taking another sip of her coffee, she doesn’t twitch. The early morning light filters into the kitchen, and illuminating her face; all at once, Wanda can see how much the weight of the world is wearing on her.

(She forgets that Y/N bears everyone’s weight. She walks around the compound, the world, and has absorbed the heartbreak, the grief, the frustration, the _hopelessness_ , of everyone around her every day for the past five years.)

_(A few floors below them, Steve stepped into an ice bath after his grueling run. He had been pushing his limits since Scott showed up, working himself hard enough to drown out the doubtful voices in his head. His heart clenched, almost sending him into a panic._

_“FRIDAY, if you could show me Y/N, that would be great.” Steve asked, looking up at the ceiling out of habit (something that Tony had tried and failed to drill out of him. At least he no longer called her “Miss FRIDAY”)._

_This was a habit he had picked up a little over six months ago. Y/N had mentioned to him one night in their bed that she often asked FRIDAY to show her videos of him, sometimes live, when she felt loneliness or anxiety gripping her. When Steve asked if she would mind if he did the same, she had reassured him_ –“Steve, sweetheart, you’re welcome to watch me doing anything, anytime.”– _before climbing on top of him to straddle his hips._

_Steve smiled, feeling almost warm in his ice bath as a holo-screen showed Y/N in the kitchen with Wanda.)_

“It’s– I’m aware I might be ‘putting my nose where it doesn’t belong,’ I believe is the expression, but I care for you too much to allow this to happen without _warning_ you, at the very least. It’s about Steve.” Wanda somehow fumbles through her reason, her stomach filling with nervous energy.

( _Steve jerks back, wondering if he should stop the video stream. Or mute it. He knows he shouldn’t, but his curiosity overpowers his him. He watches closely.)_

When Y/N speaks, it’s in a quiet voice. “I know.”

Wanda searches her eyes, shaking her head. She inhales deeply, prepared to tell Y/N that _No, she doesn’t know_ , but something in Y/N’s eyes stops her. Then, she hears it. It’s a whisper in the wind, the quietest thought in Y/N’s mind. Wanda’s not exactly _looking_ – except that she absolutely is– but it echoes in Y/N’s mind.

_Peggy._

“You know,” Wanda whispers softly.

“There are days where his emotions might as well be screaming how much he misses her. Of course, I know.”

_(That gives Steve pause. He hadn’t realized that she noticed. He thinks back– to the day of Peggy’s birthday every year, to the anniversary of the day he met her, and to the days he just wakes up with her on his mind._

_Y/N always wakes up with him at the crack of dawn before she goes back to sleep for another few hours. It’s the same nearly every day: she presses a warm, open-mouthed kiss to his lips and slides a leg over his hips to straddle him, convincing him to delay his workout by just a few minutes (All it takes is an_ “It’s a different kind of workout, Stevie” _or “_ What– I don’t make you work for it enough?” _)_

_But on those days, when Peggy is all he can think about… Y/N always has a kiss waiting for him in the morning, but she’ll run a hand across his chest and brush off his questions with witty comments, rolling back over to fall asleep._

_On those days, she makes it a point to ask about Peggy. She tells him that he should be able to talk to her about anything, even Peggy, if that’s what he wants._

_Looking back, he doesn’t know how he missed it.)_

All of a sudden, inexplicably, Wanda’s angry. She’s _furious._ She slams the coffee cup down on to the table hard enough that it shatters, sending ceramic skittering across the counter in a pool of swirling cream and coffee.

She balls her hands into fists, her nails biting into her palms. She’s yelling, and she’s not sure why. “ _Why_? Why do you stay with him when he’s dreaming of going back to her? How can–” Something breaks. Her voice cracks, but it’s more than that. Something inside her fractures; she feels fundamentally different. “How can you stand him treating you like– like a placeholder?”

_(Wanda’s anger and her question both cause Steve to balk._ Of course _, Y/N wasn’t a placeholder._

_He wouldn’t necessarily call it dreaming about a life with Peggy. It was a passing fantasy. At least, it had been until the stones presented him with another option, or the potential for one, anyway. It was the life he was meant to live, and some part of him had never stopped craving it._

_Regardless, Y/N wasn’t someone he could_ ever _regret meeting or loving. She certainly wasn’t holding a place for Peggy in his heart. She had a special place of her own making_. She must know that _, Steve hoped.)_

Wanda doesn’t realize that she’s crying until Y/N wipes a tear from her cheek (She loses herself thinking of her mother who stayed with her unfaithful father for years before they both died in Sokovia. She knows that her mother deserved better than a man who didn’t value her, as does her friend).

Y/N pulls her away from the counter and to a lounge chair in the common room. She doesn’t say much, just hugs Wanda and coos reassurances at her until she stops crying. She runs a hand through Wanda’s hair and over her back, the same comforting motion again and again. Finally, Wanda’s breaths are no longer gasps and she doesn’t shudder with every attempt at speaking. “How?” She manages to ask, voice hoarse from crying.

Y/N fixes Wanda with a soft, loving look and even though she’s older, Wanda feels like a child. “Steve Rogers is a good man. _Of course_ , he’s a hero, but at his core, he’s a good man who was given the opportunity to do great things.”

_(Steve’s cheeks warmed, and he tipped his head down, shaking it. Even when Wanda was leveling accusations with more than a little truth to them, the first thing Y/N did was praise him._

_As he turns over her words, Steve realizes that he loves her more for them. It’s the sort of thing she always does, complimenting the man under the suit, making him feel like she would’ve loved pre-serum Steve just as much._

_He doesn’t think he deserves her praise, but she’s so quick to dole it out, so genuine in giving it, that it seems unfair to completely dismiss it. If Y/N sees so much value in him, then there must be some redeemable part of him that has earned this.)_

Y/N pauses and tilts her head, considering, a small frown marring her face for a moment. “It’s much easier to be great than it is to be good, Wanda,” she says, finally. “You need people to lean on– people who understand _all_ of you, even the messy parts– to remind you who you are when you start to lose yourself; ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’ and all that.”

_(Steve finds himself nodding along with her. He’s seen many supposedly great men– wealthy, successful, famous, more of the like– but their character had been lacking._

_He’s lucky, he decides. He has people who understand him. He had people who understood enough bits and pieces, until Bucky came back along, to keep him true to himself. And Y/N– she really did know all of him, understand all of him. She accepted the good, the bad, and the ugly all in the same fashion. She kept him true to himself._

_If he didn’t have Bucky and Y/N, he’s not sure who he would be now.)_

She switches gears so quickly that Wanda wonders if she missed a sentence or two somewhere, but Y/N steamrolls on, oblivious to Wanda’s confusion. “It was so natural, becoming his friend, like breathing. Every time I blinked, I just felt _more_ for him, until I realized one day that I didn’t want to live without him.”

_(It had been the same for Steve. In so many ways, Y/N had reminded him of Bucky. It was part of what had drawn him to her in the first place, but it was so much more that compelled him to keep coming back._

_It was easy to smile and joke with her, even easier to open up to her. It was so effortless to fight alongside her._

_He had always found her attractive but knowing her had only intensified it. From there, things had been messy and complicated, but it was organic. Like breathing, as she had said.)_

Y/N halts again, taking a small breath, as if steeling herself for a confession. “There are some days, _some weeks_ , when I think the only reason I make it from one breath to the next is _knowing_ that Steve is out there somewhere– breathing, living, doing good.”

_(Damnit all to hell if that isn’t jarring to hear. Steve clutches the edges of the cooling tub, digging his fingers into the metal. It groans slightly under the force of his super-strength._

_He thinks that maybe there’s a reason she never told him that, because all of a sudden, the weight of being that reason for her urges him to get out of the tub, to fix the world’s problems, to be deserving of being that reason._

_He realizes that it’s the same for him. In those moments that his mind drifts, flirts with the possibility of finally resting and letting the world’s burdens fall to someone else, it’s the thought of her that tethers him to the world. He thinks of her, and he thinks of what she would say– of how she would remind him of Bucky and all the other people who care about him, of the world that looks to him for help, and of his personal crusade against bullies. She would remind him of the Steve Rogers that got beat up in every alley in Brooklyn trying to right the wrongs of the world._

_She’s his reason sometimes, too.)_

“And he makes it so very easy, Wanda. Sometimes, I think that I was made to love Steve Rogers,” Y/N admits. “It’s an admirable cause, a reward in itself, really. I don’t even need him to love me back– that he _does_ is…in whatever capacity, it’s a privilege to be loved by a good man.”

_(Steve tries to swallow the emotion that wells up in his throat. She made it easy, too._

_And he does love her– so much, so, so much. He was glad that she knew that, somewhat. Why does it matter so much that a part of him will always belong to Peggy?_

_Steve jerks back, realizing that it matters because he’ll have a choice to make soon. He can’t have them both._

_He’ll always be honored to be loved by Y/N, but he barely had the chance to love Peggy. Steve didn’t think the possibility was something he could just ignore.)_

Y/N clasps Wanda’s hand in hers and squeezes it tightly. “So, no, I don’t mind being number two, or ten, or ten thousand in his heart. I don’t mind being a placeholder for Peggy Carter, because Steve Rogers deserves to be loved like I love him.”

_(Steve’s heart physically aches in his chest, at the idea of how much she cares for him, at how she doubts herself. No matter what he feels for Peggy, Y/N could never be considered a placeholder. How could she be when he was forever changed by her, when he would never be able to forget her? Every day, all the time, he sees her in the world around him._

_Steve wasn’t sure there was anyone who deserved to be loved like Y/N loved– irrevocably, unquestionably, and wholeheartedly. She loved as she saw fit._

_But she… she deserved better, didn’t she? Someone that loves her the way she deserves to be loved.)_

She drops Wanda’s hand to reach for a blanket and throws it over the two of them, turning her head to gaze out the window.

Y/N has given Wanda so many _pieces_. It takes her a few minutes to process, to fit the pieces together, make sense of what she’s saying. Y/N’s words ring in her head, and Wanda wonders if she loves Vision like that, if anybody has ever loved _anyone_ like that.

Wanda turns her head to look at Y/N whose eyes had shut at some point in the past few minutes. She murmurs, “But he’s going to _leave_ you for _her_. I’ve heard– he wonders about a life with her. Often.”

Wanda hadn’t expected a response.

Y/N’s eyes don’t even open when she replies. Her face takes on the same soft smile she wore earlier; it seemed like she was on the other side of some gauzy veil, and Wanda was just this side of seeing her clearly. “I don’t think he would be my Steve if he didn’t want to go back to Peggy,” she muses, humming softly. “It might break my heart, but I’ll love him then too.”

_(In that moment, Steve loves and hates how well Y/N knows him, how much she accepts him as he is. He almost wished that she would frown, that she would throw a tantrum._

_Of course, she would still love him– she doesn’t have a hateful bone in her body. Some dark part of him wants her to hate him for still loving Peggy, wants her to send him away to ease the guilt in his chest at even considering it. Another part of him wants to dismiss the idea entirely. How could he go when she had just confessed that it would break her heart?_

_But… The idea of going back to Peggy feels like it might break his heart and mend it at the same time._

_Steve climbs out of the ice bath, feeling chilled to the bone.)_

Wanda says nothing more on the subject. She curls up to Y/N’s side in the blanket and asks FRIDAY to draw the blinds. Comfortable, they allow themselves to be lulled to sleep.


End file.
